This is a story about a series of traumatic experiences that could lead to PTSD and eventually which could lead to OTD.
PTSD, which means Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, gives someone who suffers from this a wide range of symptoms, from a normal response or adaptation to non-normal life conditions due to trauma. Struggling with emotional problems for a long time, can easily result in a reduced self- esteem. PTSD has many different manifestations. The importance of treatment and the right kind of therapy is often hidden in emotional patterns of pain, which result in anger. Frustration. Not many people will recognize PTSD, as it often is not visible on the outside.
It is not an easy story to tell, but I will try to explain it in the best possible way. It is not a detailed story of abuse of any kind, and not to put blame on any community in particular, but more to create awareness. I will try to go a bit deeper into the trauma. But also about PTSD, what it does to someone, and why sometimes leaving the community is better than staying. When everything you try, fails, and leaving is the only option, it is never because they want to leave everything they know and love behind.This couldn't be further from the truth.
We all know that life is not always easy. Sometimes it even seems unfair, but mostly we enjoy life. But sometimes things do go wrong in life, and often not due to our own fault.This story is an example of something that went terribly wrong, is very upsetting and even without going into detail, is hard to tell. It is not my intention to turn this into a drama story, but it about intense pain, frustration and anger, but also of strength. How he has dealt with this pain falling down and getting up, not giving up but keeping on going, has made him stronger!
Trauma, PTSD, I didn't know a whole lot about it, to tell you the truth, and now that I do, it still surprises me at times. Any child who experiences abuse suffers from mental health issues when it is left untreated. Many who leave a community don't do this out of curiosity. There are many forms of abuse, and the one I am referring to often has an impact later in life, when they get married and start a life of their own. When you leave a trauma untreated without therapy or medication, it could lead to PTSD. To make matters worse, when there is nobody who understands or willing to help. Maybe people simply don't know what to do and it could be that they thought he was a unruly boy, the wayward son, who ask all these unwanted questions and could complicate family relationship even further.
On many occasions he would walk out of the room or even out of the house without saying anything. The times of intense pain, anxiety, silence, total despair, and anger sometimes understandable, but other times wondering where it came from, little things,being unable to understand and most of the time it was guessing. With many moments like this it was a heavy burden.There was someone, who slowly step by step won his trust and never gave up on him, on many occassions and even later in life when the going was getting tough again, he was there. It was hard, as his orientation to the world around him was one big treatise, so how could there be any trust? But when suffering becomes unbearable, it takes a very long time to trust someone again.
Years went by and the trauma was buried, went to yeshiva and studied almost day and night, the love for the Torah was growing with the day and it became a refuge and a comfort during these difficult years. Sometimes I think that the Torah was this turning point, but it still took years, and still a lot of things went wrong, and at times the pain was so severe that life became existential. His whole life was Torah and outside more or less existing.Finding the right kind of therapy was essential but not easy, therapy is not ' one size fits all' it doesn't necessary helps in the same way for everyone.What we learned about PTSD is that there is no cure, it's for life. The therapy is helping step by step, in the best possible way to live your life, and with tools learning to respond to various triggers in a better way.
When someone takes this step and leaves a community, and later on feels something is missing in his life and decides to move back.It could be a feeling of beloning, a part of your life which make who you are today. The only thing that remains is the place where something terrible happened and people left the community for a second time in search of an illusion. When someone leaves the fold on a whim,when things are fine, then there could be some kind of curiosity about the outside world, but not to the extent that leaving is something you just do for the sake of it.
We have wonderful and caring communities, and I am sure that every Rebbe wants the very best for his community. We don't want organisations like Footsteps whom are there supposedly to help, but getting into a community to take traumatized people away, when we know for a fact that when they leave in a vulnerable state, they also leave Yiddishkeit. This makes it so much more complicated, and there is always a high price to pay. There are other options, and in our communities we do take care of each other. The care we give is very good, and my wish is that we do the same with OTD, which are often people with trauma who suffer a great deal. To give help they despartely need! Only then is there a chance they won't leave. It is worth a try!
When someone went through a difficult time for more than ten years, with the lost two years a living hell. In times of stress, and for no apparent reason as it seems to us, anxiety, severe pain, and not being able to cope in busy areas are common. The brain of someone with PTSD works different due to damage of untreated trauma. Stress is a major factor that triggers often anger,and this is for a reason as it is the survival of the brain. With the right kind of therapy, they are slowly learning to deal with their trauma. They get the proper tools to handle stressful situations better. Often this takes years and with a lot of falling and getting up again, when finally climbing that mountain which leads to a better and more stable life. Needless to say the bumps in the road will always be there
In all those ten years he never lost his trust in HaShem, never lost his love for the Torah. A lifeline which saved him.